What’s your dream job?

Dream big, they say. Well, my dream job is to become a Professional Excuses Trainer. Let me explain why this is important for the modern world.
Imagine this: I run a famous school called “The Institute of Advanced Excusology“, where people learn the art of creating the best excuses. Our motto? “Because life happens—and sometimes you need help explaining why.”
As the world’s best Excuse Development Specialist, I would teach people how to handle life’s unexpected moments with creative and believable excuses.

What We Teach

We have courses for everyone, from beginners to experts.

1. Traffic Excuses
Learn excuses like:

“A garbage truck and a recycling truck were performing a ballet on the street.”

“A cyclist was reading War and Peace while pedaling, and I couldn’t pass.”

2. Pet Problems

“My dog ate my car keys and became an Uber driver.”

“My cat made a mistake on my taxes, and now we’re under audit.”

3. Technology Fails

“My WiFi had an identity crisis and stopped working.”

“My phone updated itself into the future, but I’m still in the present.”

4. Weather Excuses

“It was so sunny my sundial broke.”

“I was trapped in a snowstorm… in July.”

Campus Life

At the Institute, learning is fun and hands-on.

We have a Procrastination Lounge where nothing gets done—on purpose.

Classes always start five minutes late so students can practice their excuses.

A Live Excuse Simulator throws students into tricky situations, like being late to a space launch.

Emergency Excuse Hotline

Life is unpredictable, and sometimes you need an excuse fast. That’s why we offer a 24/7 hotline.
A typical call might go like this:

Caller: “Help! I’m late for a meeting!”

Hotline Expert: “Don’t worry. Say this: ‘A delivery truck and a moving van were stuck in a narrow alley, negotiating over who should go first. A parking attendant had to mediate.’”

Certification Programs

We help students become experts in excuse-making with these certifications:

Beginner: “Basic Excuses for Being Late”

Intermediate: “Creative Deadline Extensions”

Advanced: “Mastering Meeting Postponements”

Expert: “Supreme Excuse Creator”
Our graduates go on to successful careers. One even turned a missed wedding speech into a TED Talk called “Better Late Than Never.”

Why This is My Dream Job

The best part? I get to show live examples in every class. When students ask why I’m late, I’ll say, “Sorry, I was busy teaching my neighbor’s goldfish about punctuality. It’s not going well.”
Because let’s face it—sometimes life needs more than boring explanations. It needs creativity. Imagine turning “I overslept” into “My alarm clock went to a meditation retreat without notice.”
So, are you ready to learn the art of excuses? Join me at the Institute of Advanced Excusology! Unless, of course, you have a good excuse not to.