Congrats, humans! You did it! While every other creature is struggling to survive, we’ve smashed every population record. Who cares about food shortages, insane weather, or traffic that moves slower than a turtle on sedatives? More people means more fun, right?

Back in the day, people had a dozen kids because, well, half didn’t make it. But modern medicine ruined that plan! Now, every single baby survives, grows up, and joins the battle for the last square inch of personal space.

But do we stop? Nope. We keep cranking them out because:

“Who will take care of me when I’m old?” (Definitely not your exhausted kids drowning in student debt.)

“Boys are better!” (Until they grow up, get married, and forget you exist.)

“More kids = more happiness!” (And also more diapers, noise, and bills.)

Thinking of having a baby? Fantastic! With every new child, you’ll receive:

A Lifetime Subscription to Stress™ – Includes bonus fights, endless worries, and a complimentary headache!

Sleep Deprivation Deluxe Edition – Say goodbye to peaceful nights and hello to years of 2 AM screaming sessions!

The “Where Did My Money Go?” Mystery Box – Open it to reveal medical bills, school fees, and a grocery bill that looks like a phone number!

The “I Didn’t Ask to Be Born” Special – Watch your kid grow up and blame you for everything. Heartwarming!

Free Membership to the “Constant Worry Club” – Worry about everything, all the time, forever!

The “Never a Quiet Moment” Package – Includes non-stop crying, yelling, and overall chaos!

And the best part? No Refunds! You’re locked in for life!

Did you know some governments actually want you to have more kids? It’s like a rewards program—the more you breed, the more perks you think you’re getting!

Free schooling! (Until your kid ends up learning in a supply closet.)

Child benefits! (Which vanish the moment your kid starts eating like a full-grown buffalo.)

Social status! (Because clearly, your worth is measured by how many tiny humans you create.)

Free public parks! (When they aren’t packed with other overproduced children.)

Priority on government waiting lists! (For services that no longer exist.)

Forget “rush hour.” Soon, it’ll be “rush all day.” Your grandkids will have to book bathroom breaks in advance. Housing will be Capsule Living™—a 5-square-foot apartment with built-in sadness. Trees? Gone. Your kids will learn about nature through VR headsets. Food? Enjoy your government-issued nutrient paste! Farming? LOL, that was cute. Entertainment? Mostly ads for products you’ll never afford because everything is sold out.

Once we finally run out of land, don’t panic! Billionaires are working hard to “save humanity”—by escaping to Mars! Soon, you too can raise your 10th child in a space pod, wondering why you didn’t stop at one.

We don’t need more people. We need smarter people. Instead of treating babies like free promotional items, how about:

One child per family? (Radical, I know.)

Fewer kids, better government benefits. (The real VIP pass.)

Teach kids that overpopulation is NOT a competition! (Your ancestors already won. You can stop now.)

Dear Humans,
I love you, but I’m full. There’s limited seating, and you guys are cramming more people into the aisles. Either slow down, or I will—and trust me, my version of “fixing things” involves natural disasters, food shortages, and some real Hunger Games energy.

Yours truly,
 Earth (The Overcrowded Host You Keep Ignoring)

P.S. I’m not kidding.

Share this before it’s too late! Or don’t—after all, we won’t have internet when the air runs out.