Other people’s vacation photos. Especially the ones where the whole family’s wearing matching t-shirts, like they’re part of a cult, but the only ritual is bad buffet food. And sunsets. Oh god, the sunsets. We get it—the sun goes down. Every. Single. Day. It’s been doing that for 4.5 billion years. It’s literally the most basic thing the sun does. Unless the Earth suddenly stops spinning—then sure, take a photo. But until then, your blurry shot of a kind-of-orange sky isn’t exactly groundbreaking.
Also, people who explain movie plots I haven’t seen yet. I don’t need a TED Talk. Just tell me: are there explosions? That’s the only thing that truly matters in cinema. If I wanted the full plot breakdown, I’d read the Wikipedia summary while eating cereal at 1 AM, like a normal person.
And motivational speakers. Oh, please. Why do I need someone yelling “BELIEVE IN YOURSELF” at me like I’m about to run a marathon? I’m just trying to microwave leftovers. Maybe some of us find deep meaning in laziness. Ever think of that? What if doing nothing is my higher purpose?
Oh, and slow walkers in the grocery store. You know the ones—moving at the speed of continental drift while debating if they want mild or sharp cheddar. Are you shopping or composing an epic poem about cheese? MAKE A CHOICE. Time is a non-renewable resource, Linda.
And don’t even get me started on folding fitted sheets. It’s not folding—it’s taming chaos. It’s like trying to give shape to the formless. Philosophers have debated life’s big questions for centuries—What’s our purpose? Why are we here?—but none of them dared to ask the ultimate mystery: How do you fold a fitted sheet without losing your soul?
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It’s even more boring when you watch some people on Youtube making special videos about folding sheets. But it’s not that hard.
I can’t fold a fitted sheet, either. Word on the street is that some people can, quite easily